Thursday, September 25, 2014

Celldweller -- Afraid This Time (Lyrics Review)

One of my favorite songs from Celldweller’s self-titled album always stump a lot of friends when I would ask “Do you know what he’s talking about?”, which is really just asking the interpretation of it. Now, so people can take a closer look blog-wise at this pretty explosive Electronic Rock song, I’ll delve into it an informative way…


Even if you want, you can’t touch me now
Leave me if you want, you can’t hurt me now

Having a relationship is the primary subject here, with the statements of “you can’t touch me” and “you can’t hurt me”, most would probably think that the “touch” as physical, in a desirable manner or even a physically abusive manner. I think it actually goes along with the “hurt” line; just like in the “leaving” hurt can happen, as she, the person who the singer (Klayton) is talking about leaving him, could indirectly (or even directly, intentionally)  hurt him emotionally, so the “touch” is in an intangible sense – emotionally touch.

Build them up…
(High and strong, so you’ll never to hurt to long)

Put them up
(‘Til they surround’ and there’s no more real you left to be found)

Hold it up
(High above, no fear of hope or trust or love)

Close it up
(And hold your ground, and wait until it’s time to finally close it down)

Initially, the only thing sure-fire is knowing he’s building something to block out emotions and himself (“no more real you”) from others. Going outside of directness, and coming at it metaphorically gives clarity: first  the background sub-vocals is the “conscience” or “voice in his head” he’s made to give himself secondary guidance that he can’t manage on his own. Then, coming from the first lyrics, and the idea of being afraid, this no doubt is the mental representation of building a “shelter” or even just walls in his  mind to protect from the fear of the ending relationship (a very essential one at that, given this is the requirement in the aftermath).

It all matches the “you’ll never hurt too long” and “no fear of hope or trust or love” as none of these emotional elements can affect you if you’ve mentally built walls, or isolated yourself in psychological barriers so nothing and no one can get in. “Close it up” makes sense to finish this off, but the background sub-verse including “wait until it’s time to finally close it down” is what’s off-putting on the first listen, mainly with “close it up” and “Close it down” conflicting – especially after all that time to “build it up” in the first place.

The only other expansion from that is the sub-verse/voice in his head is telling him to wait on the time to end his mind or end himself completely eventually, and to “hold his ground” until then. It’s grim stuff, but it matches the type of hurt and/or numbness spoken in these lyrics that are trying to deflect by building up those walls.

This isn’t easy to admit… I don’t think I’m believing it... I’m afraid this time...

Here at the end, even though “he’s not believing it” he knows he’s afraid of being alone, this time. That “this time” is key to him being hurt before, and doesn’t know how to deal with another woman leaving him again.

It’s really something else to be able have this effect on such a catchy danceable E-Rock song; well-made music can do that though…

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